✈️ Church Parking Ministry Rebrands as Air Traffic Control After Flying Tesla Roadster Reveal
COLUMBUS, OH — October 17, 2026
Just 48 hours after Tesla unveiled its new Roadster capable of launching into the air, one Ohio church has announced a complete restructuring of its parking ministry.
Effective immediately, all parking volunteers will be reclassified as air traffic controllers.
“We've been waving people into parking spaces for 23 years,” said longtime volunteer Dale Whitaker. “But if cars are flying now, we need to be prepared for what the Lord is doing in transportation.”
The church has already purchased six aviation headsets, three pairs of binoculars, and a 40-foot radio antenna that Pastor Mitchell claims will eventually be installed on the steeple.
Sunday's 9 a.m. service experienced significant delays after volunteers instructed incoming vehicles to circle the parking lot until receiving clearance to land.
“Brother Peterson was trying to park his Honda Odyssey,” explained Whitaker. “But we had three vehicles on final approach and a Subaru requesting emergency clearance near the handicap spaces.”
Peterson reportedly circled the building four times before abandoning his vehicle and walking to worship.
The church has also introduced a new classification system for its congregation's vehicles.
SUVs are now considered commercial aircraft, sedans are designated light aviation, and the church's aging 2006 Ford passenger van has been classified as a “heavily burdened cargo vessel.”
When asked whether any members actually owned a flying Tesla, Pastor Mitchell admitted they did not.
“That's not the point,” he explained. “Noah built the ark before it rained. We're building the control tower before the first Tesla takes off.”
Several deacons reportedly questioned the $14,000 equipment budget, noting that Tesla's flying Roadster is not expected to enter production until 2028.
Pastor Mitchell responded by reminding the board that the church also purchased a fog machine in 2019 despite having no immediate plans to simulate the presence of the Holy Spirit.
At press time, the congregation's Ford van had been officially credited with the church's first successful flight after hitting a speed bump at 17 miles per hour.
The parking ministry is now investigating whether the landing damaged its suspension.
